Dinner time is special time....

Lately, I've been trying to make dinner a tad more special.  I almost always am cooking up a new recipe, or bringing back an old favorite.  My kids tend to remind me of Garth from Wayne's World.  You remember that part, where Benjamin (Rob Lowe) is trying to talk to Garth about having the sponsor on the show weekly, and Garth (Dana Carvey) has the weird helmet and is working on some sort of mechanical hand?  Just before the hand starts moving, Garth says "Change? We fear change."  

Yeah.

That's pretty much my kids.

Which is why, like a glutton for punishment, I try new recipes 3 to 4 times a week.

In an effort to try to trick them into focusing on something other than the food, I used a gift card and purchased some table clothes, cloth napkins, place mats, plates and pulled out our dusty wine glasses and started setting the table.

It worked. Like twice.

This is a typical dinner scene in my house.

The table is set, looking very nice.  The house smells lovely, like garlic and herbs. Wine glasses are filled with milk, juice or water.

The kids noticed that the camera had come out, so I got some smiling faces prior to dishing out the food.  *Please note, I had already heard from the older one that she "wasn't hungry".  This is code for "I don't like what you are making.  I'm not even going to try it.  Why do you hate me?  I fear change."

 

Then, the food was doled out.

One was adamant about not even trying it.

The other seemed to like it.

Yep.  This is dinner time at my house.

And because I happened to catch an awesome face directed at her sister, I just had to add it.

Social Situations make me nervous...

Last night was Curriculum Night at Mia's preschool.  And, I went.  I don't know why, but I felt like either Tony or I should go.  It's not like we don't know/understand the curricula.  Olivia went to the same preschool.  In fact, Olivia still goes to day care there.

So, why go for Mia's curricula?  I don't know.  It's not like I didn't have 8 million other things to do.  It's not like I didn't just finish a work from home day, that included meetings for 75% of the day.  And my computer didn't crap out on my 4 times - during said meetings, while on the phone through my computer.  It's not like I didn't have to go to pick up the girls, come home, get Mia dressed and immediately run her up to dance class.  After which, I wanted to get to the grocery store, but didn't have time.  It's not like I wasn't able to make the dinner I had planned for lack of time.  The kid ate hot dogs. 

Then I went to curriculum night.

Being one of the 5 parents that showed up for Mia's teachers (2 couples and me), there was definitely a spotlight on the 5 of us.  I couldn't hide in the back, like I would normally love to do.  I wasn't able to observe.  They put me on the spot asking me what goals I have for Mia for preschool.  And what is one unique thing about your child. 

For me, this is just torturous.  I do not do well in social situations, with people I don't know.  I do not do well being put on the spot to come up with some great answer to your questions.  I am awkward.  I over think.  I am nervous.  And now, I think I've frightened my kids preschool teachers.

Here's my goal for Mia - I want you to be able to write an M, every time, no longer mistaking W for M.  Here's Mia's uniqueness - I tell her to keep pedaling her bike, she tells me she knows.  She can't/doesn't do it, but apparently she knows.  My four year old (almost 5) says some of the most grown up things I've ever hear - and usually understands what she is saying.  She's going to have my number as she gets older and has a remark for everything.  She wants to understand everything you tell her.  She wants you to explain everything to her.  She doesn't want to go to sleep because she's afraid she'll miss just one thing.  She tells me she wants to keep me.  She just melts your heart, pretty much every day.

What did I tell the teacher?  Nothing.  I told the teacher that I couldn't think of a unique thing about my child.  Yeah, that made me feel like the mother of the year.  A goal for Mia?  I asked if could bring that back in.  I was absolutely lost.  Then, my mouth started moving, and I don't think my brain had anything to do with the words coming from my mouth.  I said things about how it scares me that my 4yo is over friendly and she has a new best friend every day and how that seems odd that she doesn't understand how long someone should be a best friend.  That really doesn't frighten me.  But I wasn't coming up with the words that truly expressed how I feel.  Or that I know my child at all.

Today, when I picked up Mia, the teacher barely said "Hi" to me, even though I smiled and said Hi to her.  Ugh.

So, yeah.  I'm awkward.  It's one of the reasons that I blog.  It's one of the reasons I was good at radio - I got to talk to you, and never had to see you or get feedback from you.  It's one of the reasons that I don't make new friends.  And it's one of the reasons that I will be a nervous wreck if I ever set up a meeting with an online friend, to meet in real life.

Hi. My name is Tara, and social situations make me nervous.

This kid doesn't make me nervous though.

One day....

My daughter is upstairs right now, attempting to make her bed.  She is super-frustrated, crying, telling us it doesn't work, she can't do it, why does everyone hate her?  We've shown her how to make her bed about 85 times.  We've only helped her make her bed about 273 times.  Now, we're at that point.  The point where she needs to sink or swim on her own.  If we don't she'll rely on us to do this for her for the rest of her life.  And not just making the beds, anything she deems too hard to learn.

Right now, this is my life.  That hard part of growing up where you have to learn to cut the ties for the good of bringing up self-sufficient independent people.  It's hard to do this, mostly because of the severe emotional outbursts from a pre-pubescent little girl that somehow has turned this into all of us disliking her.

Here's my little secret.  The thing that makes me able to walk away while she is tormented and crying.  The thing that I look forward to and even makes me smile.  

One day, she'll have a child.  

Oh.Y.E.S.

One day, she'll learn that she has to cut those ties to teach her child how to figure things out on her own.  One day she'll go through the emotional outbursts and drama.  One day she'll hear all about how everyone hates her child, all because she is making that child make their own bed - without help.

One day, she'll call me and vent about how hard it is.  She'll tell me how she can remember being in that emotional turmoil herself and how happy she is to be a grown up now.  She'll tell me how much it hurts her heart to have to be such a "Mean Mommy."

And I'll listen.  That will be my job, then, so many years from now.  While I sit in my own home, far away from the sounds of angry pre-pubescent children.  In a clean house, drinking coffee, or wine, or margaritas.  On my sun porch, or swing, because I won't have children's toys littering my yard.  And my laundry will be done because, I'll only have mine and my husband's to do.  And I'll listen.  And I'll do my best to console her.

And when I hang up the phone, I'll tell my husband all about her problems.  And we will have a good evil belly laugh! As we sip our drinks, on our quiet porch, watching a sunset, or enjoying a bonfire, we'll laugh, because once upon a time, we were in the same place.