Sometimes, it's not for me...

Last Saturday, I was drag-ass tired.  I mean, I haven't been sleeping so hot.  I was up early, I was in bed late, I haven't been sleeping through the night.  I was so tired that I didn't exercise like I normally do on Saturday mornings.  It's been my most constant day to exercise and I can't remember the last time I missed it.  But, last Saturday I did.  And, I seriously considered not going to my Weight Watchers meeting.  Mostly because I was tired, and hadn't exercised, and was tired, and didn't really know what to expect at a weigh-in.  

But, I went.  Whether it's routine, or not, I just felt that it would have been wrong to miss.  So, I went.  And I sat and I listened.  I raised my hand, I talked.  Then, my Leader singled me out a bit.  She said she knew I'd had quite a bit of success on my plan.  How much have you lost?  I gave her a bit of a, sly look, like c'mon.  I wasn't going to talk about me today.  But, I answered.  Almost 60 pounds I said.  Then, she did the same to someone else.

After the meeting was over, the lady sitting next to me, turned and asked me about the weight I had lost.  How long had it taken me?  It's not fast.  It's healthy.  It really is about slowly changing your lifestyle.  Changing the way you think about food and exercise.  It's taken me over a year to lose 60 lbs (almost), I told her.  I'm hoping by the start of 2014, I'll be at my goal weight, since I still have 45 left to go.  She seemed somewhat relieved. As if she had been in a bit of a funk, since the weight wasn't just falling off, but coming off slowly.  I told her about my year - my downs, my ups, my slow but steady loss.

After I left, I felt like I knew the reason I was supposed to be there at Weight Watchers.  Last weekend wasn't for me.  It was for another woman that needed reassurance and strength to make her own decisions on how she feels about her weight loss.  Whether I helped her or not, I'll probably never know.  But, I felt good being able to at least let her know, that it's not fast, and it's not easy, but my God, is it worth the work.  It's like a favorite quote of mine, "It's the hard the makes it great.  If it was easy, everybody'd do it."

Brothers, ugh....

Have I ever told you about my brother Jory?  Yes, Jory.  JOE-REE.  Sorry, I have to do that, his name is hard when you first meet him.

He has a unique place in the family.  Jory and I share a mom, but have different dads.  He is the product of 2 second marriages - meaning our mom's second and his dad's second.  He is the third child, both on mom and dad's side, but the fifth overall child.  Since he's not the baby, this puts him in an odd place.  In one way an oldest, in so many the third child.

He really has a different perspective than I do.  When I think about my family, I have a mom, a dad, two brothers and a sister.  But, one of my brothers shares all of that with me - mom, dad, extended family, little brother, little sister.  Jory, and Cari (my sis), also have a whole other side to their family.  Which is hard for me to imagine, since, to me, they are my family, my siblings.

Jory is eleven years younger than me.  I was so excited when my mom was pregnant with him.  I was excited to learn about grown up things, like pregnancy.  I felt like I was getting something my friends didn't have, a front row seat to learn all about this.  Plus - bonus - I might have a SISTER!  I already had one stinky little brother, who needed another?

But, I got the extra little brother.  I don't remember the night, or day that he was born.  I do remember when he would cry at night, it took everything I had not to run in there and pick him up and comfort him.  I was always very concerned that my mom wasn't getting up fast enough.  I remember one time I was baby-sitting.  I was changing his diaper (my mom did cloth diapers back then, but they were way harder than they are now), and I accidentally stuck him with a diaper pin.  Oh my god!  I was mortified!  And he was crying and I was crying and so upset that I had hurt him, even though it was barely a scratch on his little belly.

Jory was the fearless child.  Still to this day has little fear.  One time, he was toddler aged, again, I was babysitting.  The phone rang mid diaper change.  This was before the days of telemarketers, and cordless phones were all the rage, but we didn't have one.  So, I scrambled to answer the phone, only to turn around and see a naked toddler run out the front door.  He was so excited to be naked and free, like Forrest, he was running!  He was caught quickly and brought back to the land of diapers and clothes.

Jory is the child that is lucky to be alive at 23.  He brought a telephone table down on himself, and had a bruised bump on his head that I thought would never go away.  He ate dirt.  He fell out off a tree, lucky to have a swing set break his fall (seriously).  He had is hand slammed in the heavy garage door.  He gashed his head open at the pool, doing some tricks.  He was arrested the night Olivia was born (at 14) for shooting paint balls at moving cars.

It never seemed to bother him to get into trouble.  If he tried something and got caught, he'd shrug it off and move on to something else.  He moved to Mississippi with my mom shortly after I got married.  When college-aged he moved back to Illinois and in with us.  He's been with us for most of the past five years.  I've been lucky to see the way he's growing up.  The way he's learned to be responsible and keeps learning more about it as time goes by.  The day is looming near when he has to turn in his kid shoes and become a grown up.  He will be graduating college this year.

I am proud of this baby brother of mine.  I think he's had a different life than I can ever imagine.  He makes different choices than I would have made.  He's a smart kid, that is turning into a smart adult.  He's found a great girl that he's really attached to.  I really am proud of him, and am excited to see how his adulthood shapes up.

A weekend at home...

This has been a weird weekend.  We really had little to do, which is always strange, and a rare occurrence.  As usual, there is the laundry, dance class, Target, Jewel, meal planning, cleaning, and Weight Watchers.  We just didn't have any plans on top of that.  BTW - have you noticed that there are only 3 MORE WEEKENDS LEFT BEFORE CHRISTMAS!?!?!

I'm starting to feel rushed.  Mostly because I have yet to do any Christmas shopping.  I am not really knowing what to get people yet, and usually I'd have a pretty good idea.  I am planning on sending care packages again this year, and have figured out what will be sent in them.  Christmas cards were completed today, except the stamp and in the mail part.  I still need to get stamps.  AND the pics we took have been divyed up, and now will need to be sent out.  Oh - AND CHRISTMAS IS ONLY 3 WEEKENDS AWAY!!!

I'm trying not to stress and kill myself this Christmas.  As you can see from the above, it's totally working (sarcasm).  No, really - I have a plan.  I'm going to go shopping next weekend.  Possibly get some baking done, or complete the baking the next weekend.  The weekend after, the fam arrives, and that is when stress will kick into overload.  Family, food, guests in my house = holidays.  

I'm looking forward to New Years.

So, this weekend, I had to escape.  That's right.  I was sitting on Saturday, Mia was napping, Olivia was flitting around, Tony was sleeping.  As I sat and watched him sleep, I was overwhelmed by the feeling that I'd been trying to smother for the past few days.  I needed to leave - and like NOW.

So, I did.  I walked out the door.  Went to Target - BY MYSELF.  I browsed the make up and nail polishes.  I looked through the Christmas stuff.  I meandered through the clothes, not searching for little kids frolicking through the clothes displays.  Not yelling to keep them near me.  Just, by myself, blowing off some steam, getting things done.

After that, I went to Jewel (this is one of the grocery chains in my area, for those that aren't familiar).  I didn't have to get a car-cart.  You know, the ones with the giant car on the front that are super hard to maneuver, and my kid won't stay in it - although the other (8 yo, 100 lbs) wants in.  I got to have a regular cart, didn't have to stop in the cereal aisle, didn't wander through snacks - just got to shop by myself.  And it didn't hurt to see firemen shopping either.  Firemen, rrrrgggggeeeellllleee (to quote Wayne Campbell).

It really was just what I needed.  Time away, by myself, not driving, not headed anywhere, just time.  It's helped me to decide on what I should try next.  So, we'll see how that goes.

Here are some pics from this weekend, and a little before.

We caught some SNL rerun today, with Lady Gaga as the musical guest.  Both my kids watched her sing/dance and began dancing themselves.  This was highly amusing to me, and then the little grabbed this headband and rocked it out - Flashdance style!

 

Later on Saturday, I enjoyed how our Christmas lights looked with the regular lights turned off.  I kinda like it.

 

This one decided to beg to sleep with me.  I'm not really sure where that comes from, my kids don't sleep in my bed.  But, the face was cute.

 

Apparently, this is how we get comfortable to watch TV.  This kid is kinda weird, yo.

 

 

Tony took this picture earlier this week.  Mostly, it shows how I need makeup, still have more weight to lose, oh, and how much that kid is loving me!  :-)

She is my snuggle bug.