2014 in review and 2015 goals....

Just like everyone else in the country/world, as 2014 draws to a close and 2015 is literally hours away, I have been reflecting on this past year and trying to figure out what I will do with this next year.

I posted last year what my goals for 2014 would be (2014 Goals).  These were my goals:

1. To run 500 miles this year.  I did not hit this very lofty goal.  Actually, I got sick in January, stopped running through March and didn't really get started again until May.  I actually ran 255.25 miles this year.  This year, I will try to hit 300 miles.
2. Hit my weight loss goal.  Nope.  Not yet.  I am overly determined to hit this goal this year.  I've lost 80 pounds.  I have 25 to go.
3. Blog once a week.  BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! So, yeah.  That didn't happen.  I'm still trying to blog more often.  This year, the plan is to change my habits and bring my computer to bed nightly.  Write as often as possible.
4. Project 365 (pictures every day).  I totally felt like a failure with this.  Forgetting to take pictures, taking the same picture every day just to hit the daily picture goal.  Ugh.  But, when I look back over the year, I'm so happy that I took all those pictures.  I'm going to try this again this year and not beat myself up so much.
5. Create FB page for my blog.  I did this.  It was too much work.  I deleted it.
6. Hug and kiss my girls every day. Maybe this did not happen every day.  I will say that it happened a lot more often than before.  My kids seem to be feeling more secure, and I'm more comfortable with them.  This was a great goal.  I plan to continue making sure that I show my love to my girls every day.
7. Go back to school and finish my Master's Degree.  Hmmm.  I still think about this bunches.  I will get back there.  It just hasn't been the right time yet.

I learned this year that I need to stop kicking my own ass.  I yell at myself, berate myself, emotionally stress myself out because I am not perfect, because I didn't hit my weight loss goal or my running goal or take good pictures every day.  This crap needs to stop.  NOW.

So, this year, my goals, my resolutions will be something I continuously work at.  But, if I don't hit these goals, I will revamp my goals and be proud of anything I do accomplish.  Here are my 2015 goals:

1. I want to run 300 miles this year.  Last year was the first year I set a goal, and I ran just over 250.  This year, I'd like to improve that by 50.  
2. I want to hit my weight loss goal so frickin' bad.  I have learned a lot this year, and I will continue to work hard to watch what I eat, make good decisions and take care of myself.
3. I want to cook the recipes that are on my Pinterest boards.  I'd like to try a new recipe once a week.  
4. I want to travel.  Period.  New places to see and new things to do. 

How was your year?  How awesome will 2015 be for you?

 

Christmas Magic...

I took a vow of radio silence, and I've been upholding this vow.  This was mostly because I was being too affected by my news feed.  This was a great idea because I was able to figure out what was stressing me out, and how I'd really like to be able to use FB in the future.  I'll be back in 2015, but I'll have some cleaning to do of my news feed.

Onto Christmas Magic.

(Visiting Santa when we went to see the town's tree lighting)

I noticed the other day, that when I didn't have Christmas music playing on my car radio, that it really didn't feel like Christmas at all.  I don't know if it's the lack of snow, or being 36 and a parent, or that I am really dreading the onset of true winter in the next 2 months (p.s. happy first day of winter!).  Whatever it is, I noticed that the magic seemed to be missing - at least for me.  

Don't get me wrong, we have decorated the house, and we've gone to see the lights, sent out cards, received cards, etc.  It's just....hmmm...another day to do other things.

(Graham cracker crunch with a Tara spin - Almonds instead of walnuts, and added a drizzle of chocolate ganache.  The batch did not last through until the next day. YUM )

I don't know. Maybe I'm crazy (more than likely).

Even though I may not be filled with the magic of Christmas just yet, I still am very happy this holiday season.  My family and I have been so blessed, and I just want to make sure that I take a minute and express the things I'm thankful for this year.

First and foremost, our health.  My family is healthy and happy.  The girls are growing and learning new things every day.  Tony and I have both lost weight and continue to work on living a healthy life.  

(We took the girls to see The Nutcracker.  I loved it.  Mia loved it.  Tony seemed to like it.  I think Olivia thought it was ok.)

I am thankful that we've begun to travel.  This year we took our kids to Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, New York, Cleveland and Kansas.  Not to mention the many trips to explore Chicago.  I've always wanted to see new places and I'm so happy we've been able to start traveling, and to share this with our kids.

(My train companion, commuting to Chicago to see the decorated windows at Macy's and the zoo lights at Lincoln Park Zoo)

I'm thankful that Tony and I have good jobs and that we, together, are able to provide for our family.

(Dinner, after Winter Wonderland at Mia's school - Pajamas were the required attire.)

I'm thankful for friends.  My life is brighter, views expand, experiences known, with new and old friends.

I'm thankful for my brother.  He's been my therapist this year, and a great listener and shoulder for me.

I'm thankful for my husband.  He keeps me grounded, makes me laugh.  He's awesome.

I'm thankful for my kids.  They make me laugh, make me cry, make me yell.

(Olivia's picture of me.  Made me laugh)

I'm thankful for all of you that are reading this.  I hope that you have a happy and wonderful Christmas, or Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa, or any holiday that is celebrated.  Have a safe and wonderful new year too!

Radio Silence...

A lot of things have been going on in the world lately.  A lot of things that I see on Facebook.  Social discussions, the sharing of news, of videos, of opinions, of memes.

I'm overwhelmed.

I'm overwhelmed by seeing pictures everyday of children, kids showing battle wounds, scars, hideous injury after being attacked by dogs.  Videos of citizens being beaten by cops, all while already handcuffed, or more than one cop taking on one person.  Stories about shootings, and violence happening in schools.  Stories of people abusing their animals, and pictures of animals living and dying in horrible conditions.  Stories of racism, of unbelievable craziness that blows common sense out of the water. Stories of violence against women, of violence against children, of violence.

These stories hurt me.  They hurt my heart.  And they make me fear for me, my kids, my family.  And.  And.  These stories make me think.

These stories make me think of truly how lucky I am.  I am very blessed.  I have an income, and can pay my bills.  I have a roof over my head, and can feed my children.  I have decent health care, and my family is healthy.  I have a loving husband, and two beautiful, intelligent, caring, loving children.

These stories also make me think about what it is like to walk in other people's shoes.  These stories have shown me new worlds, new ways of living that I never knew.  I feel as if my eyes have been opened by hearing the stories of day to day life of people that are not me.  I feel the raw emotion of people that are being treated unjustly, I feel the impotence, the rage.  All this emotion, with no where to direct it.

These stories have shown just how far we still have to go in this world to be seen as equals.  I feel like people need their eyes opened again, to learn how to walk in another persons shoes.  How would you feel if you were walking down the street, and the cops rolled up on you?  How would you feel if this was a daily, a weekly, a monthly, a regular occurrence?  How would you feel if you did not have confidence in the police to protect you, only that they might not believe what you say, might actually turn on you and treat you not like a victim, but as the perpetrator of a crime?  How does it feel to be looked at as a criminal, judged as guilty without proof, based on what you look like on the outside?  How does it feel to be bullied, day in and out, by people that 'justly' have power over you?  How does it feel to work so hard to make something of yourself, to break stereotypes, to still be harassed because of the color of your skin?  I'm not going to tell you I know how this feels.  I haven't experienced this, but because of other people's voices, because of other people's words, I'm starting to better understand how people that have experienced this feel.

While I'm thinking about all these situations in the news, while I'm being bombarded on social media by other people's stories, other opinions, spouting about what they think, why this is right, wrong, or other on all sorts of situations and scenarios and they give explanations, excuses, judgements, etc.  While all this is happening today, and I'm reading all of this in my news feed, taking it all in, I'm being overwhelmed.

My head can no longer take all of the onslaught of my Facebook account.  I feel as if I am bombarded by so much, and I need to find a way I can help, or to figure out what I can do to move the pendulum of change.  But, I'm so overwhelmed with it all that my mind is no longer processing.  I'm taking it in, and I'm thinking about all of this so much that I can no longer sleep.  I feel as if my voice can't be heard. Not because I am not loud, not because I don't have things to say, but mostly because I can't figure out how to say it.  How can I express myself in a way that is valuable, that is expressive, that will not alienate?

The reason I tell you all of this is because I'm going to take some time to gather my thoughts.  I'm going to take some time to process all the data that is coming through to me.  I'm going to let my mind work on these feelings, these situations, and lead me to the way that I can do something to help swing the pendulum of change.  To do this, I will be taking my radio silence in the form of a Facebook break.  For the month of December, I will only be on Facebook to share any blog posts, or to wish people a happy birthday.  I will take the time to enjoy my family and the holidays, to use my Facebook time by catching up on Instagram and Twitter.  I will speak to people in person, or on the phone.  And hopefully I will write a thing or two.