Radio Silence...

A lot of things have been going on in the world lately.  A lot of things that I see on Facebook.  Social discussions, the sharing of news, of videos, of opinions, of memes.

I'm overwhelmed.

I'm overwhelmed by seeing pictures everyday of children, kids showing battle wounds, scars, hideous injury after being attacked by dogs.  Videos of citizens being beaten by cops, all while already handcuffed, or more than one cop taking on one person.  Stories about shootings, and violence happening in schools.  Stories of people abusing their animals, and pictures of animals living and dying in horrible conditions.  Stories of racism, of unbelievable craziness that blows common sense out of the water. Stories of violence against women, of violence against children, of violence.

These stories hurt me.  They hurt my heart.  And they make me fear for me, my kids, my family.  And.  And.  These stories make me think.

These stories make me think of truly how lucky I am.  I am very blessed.  I have an income, and can pay my bills.  I have a roof over my head, and can feed my children.  I have decent health care, and my family is healthy.  I have a loving husband, and two beautiful, intelligent, caring, loving children.

These stories also make me think about what it is like to walk in other people's shoes.  These stories have shown me new worlds, new ways of living that I never knew.  I feel as if my eyes have been opened by hearing the stories of day to day life of people that are not me.  I feel the raw emotion of people that are being treated unjustly, I feel the impotence, the rage.  All this emotion, with no where to direct it.

These stories have shown just how far we still have to go in this world to be seen as equals.  I feel like people need their eyes opened again, to learn how to walk in another persons shoes.  How would you feel if you were walking down the street, and the cops rolled up on you?  How would you feel if this was a daily, a weekly, a monthly, a regular occurrence?  How would you feel if you did not have confidence in the police to protect you, only that they might not believe what you say, might actually turn on you and treat you not like a victim, but as the perpetrator of a crime?  How does it feel to be looked at as a criminal, judged as guilty without proof, based on what you look like on the outside?  How does it feel to be bullied, day in and out, by people that 'justly' have power over you?  How does it feel to work so hard to make something of yourself, to break stereotypes, to still be harassed because of the color of your skin?  I'm not going to tell you I know how this feels.  I haven't experienced this, but because of other people's voices, because of other people's words, I'm starting to better understand how people that have experienced this feel.

While I'm thinking about all these situations in the news, while I'm being bombarded on social media by other people's stories, other opinions, spouting about what they think, why this is right, wrong, or other on all sorts of situations and scenarios and they give explanations, excuses, judgements, etc.  While all this is happening today, and I'm reading all of this in my news feed, taking it all in, I'm being overwhelmed.

My head can no longer take all of the onslaught of my Facebook account.  I feel as if I am bombarded by so much, and I need to find a way I can help, or to figure out what I can do to move the pendulum of change.  But, I'm so overwhelmed with it all that my mind is no longer processing.  I'm taking it in, and I'm thinking about all of this so much that I can no longer sleep.  I feel as if my voice can't be heard. Not because I am not loud, not because I don't have things to say, but mostly because I can't figure out how to say it.  How can I express myself in a way that is valuable, that is expressive, that will not alienate?

The reason I tell you all of this is because I'm going to take some time to gather my thoughts.  I'm going to take some time to process all the data that is coming through to me.  I'm going to let my mind work on these feelings, these situations, and lead me to the way that I can do something to help swing the pendulum of change.  To do this, I will be taking my radio silence in the form of a Facebook break.  For the month of December, I will only be on Facebook to share any blog posts, or to wish people a happy birthday.  I will take the time to enjoy my family and the holidays, to use my Facebook time by catching up on Instagram and Twitter.  I will speak to people in person, or on the phone.  And hopefully I will write a thing or two.