Recently, we had a death in my family. It was foreseen, and there was much chance to say goodbye to our loved one. But, the reason I'm sharing this is that it brought the larger family together. Which is not something we always do, not for weddings or fish fry's, but for funerals or memorial services, we can really come bring it - family style.
I got a chance to talk to one of my cousin's and she said something that resonated with me. We were talking about relationships and how hard they can be at this time of life. Right now we have kids and activities and work and groceries and cleaning and family and friends and sports and birthday parties...all taking up our time. How do you fit a relationship into that?
This got me thinking about my relationship. We are almost 12 years into marriage (September 21), and have been together for about 14.5 years. But, what does our marriage, our relationships look like right now?
Let me just say that we are lucky. Lucky we had 4 years or so to get to know each other before kids. Lucky that we were able to bond as parents, as life mates, as partners through those four years, and in the 10 plus since.
We don't get much, if any time to ourselves. I leave the house in the morning, usually just as everyone else is beginning to meander downstairs. After work, I pick the kids up, and take them to various activities - dance right now. Or we run errands. Either way, that brings us to getting home to make dinner and eat, and then begin preparing for bed. Because Tony takes the kids in the morning, he starts work later than I do, and usually gets home just before they go to bed, sometimes after. We may get to sit together for 30 minutes.. or not, before I need to get to bed, earlier than he does usually.
The weekends aren't a whole lot different. There is tumbling, swim lessons, fall softball, Weight Watchers, errands, endless parties or get-togethers so that we start to enjoy the time we spend together at Target, at the grocery store. We've made a point of going out to dinner every Saturday night. It's a special family night. And Sunday, I like to try new recipes for dinner, and if I can, the girls and I might bake something.
All this build up to describe our lives, might put it a little more into perspective where our relationship is right now. My cousin and I discussed how hard it is to find ourselves with this much going on in our lives. When Tony and I do go out, we find ourselves talking about the kids. This used to really wear on me. Where did we go? Isn't there anything else to talk about? It used to make me so antsy, so determined to find anything else to talk about, that we would go out, and I wouldn't really talk at all, which left me feeling a little lost. A little searching. A little scared and wondering.
I am learning to accept that this is who we are right now. Our lives are full of so much, it leaves us little time for ourselves and for us together. Even if all we do is talk about the kids, it still leaves us better connected, better understanding each other. More of us putting relationships dollars into our bank. Plus, it didn't take long for those rare date nights to move past the kids discussion and into current events, what is happening at work, really investing in each other, and in us.
So this is where we are right now. In the midst of the crazy, trying to scrounge out time for ourselves while life hurricanes around us. One day, we'll be glad for this and our conversations will start more with "remember when's" than "this morning" or "last week". But right now, I'll like taking what I can get, and I am looking forward to what this relationship will look like in another 12 years.
