My intentions...

The start of a new year brings us a fresh new beginning.  We haven't ruined this year yet.  We have another chance to be the person we want to be, to change the things that we dislike, whether about ourselves, or our surroundings, or our situations.  I've been reading much about finding and holding onto happiness this year, and making positive changes in our lives this year.

I have been writing daily about #selfpositivity2015.  This is a way for me to reflect back on my day, and find good in the choices I made, the way I handled a situation, the steps forward I take.  It's also a way for me to combat my own very negative mindset.  You know that mindset.  It harbors that voice that tells you that you should have eaten an apple instead of that brownie.  The one that berates you for only running a half mile when you did 3 yesterday.  The one that tells you about how bad a mom you are because you just didn't want to be around your kids today. 

Yeah.  That voice.

I need it to be quieter.  I need to hear good about myself.  I need to feel good about myself.

One of the ways that I am working on myself is my daily "to do" list.  This started as a way for me to get a handle on busy days, and not forget the things that need to get done.  This week, it morphed into a tool to help ground me.  I had a few minutes to reflect quietly and was not proud of the recent way that I was treating my kids.  I didn't really want them near me, and I made sure to try to keep them away.  In pushing them away, I got angry, they got angry and hurt, we were all crabby.

This was something I wanted to change.  So, I wrote to myself that I wanted to not yell at my kids, to spend quality time truly enjoying them, and learning about them and loving them.

Writing that down helps me to focus my intent.  My intent to be a good mother.  So, that little notebook that I carry around, is a great 'to do' list keeper.  But now, because I need that help, it's going to be a way to reflect on how I want my day to go.  Whether focusing on my maternal skills, my wife skills, my Tara skills, or my friend skills.  I will be attempting, daily, to make my intentions clearer to myself.