I'm learning...still...

Wow.  That was an unplanned break.  So the last time I posted anything was the end of June.  I went the whole summer without posting.  Geez.

It's been a busy summer and fall (so far).  Lots of things going on, and hopefully I'll get to them over the next few weeks.  I'm being optimistic and positive here.  :)

I've been working on losing weight for four years now.  At the lowest point of my weight, I had lost 80 lbs (100 from my highest weight).  I currently am about 10 lbs above my lowest, trying to lose again.  I have been on a plateau for about 2 years.  There are many things to learn about yourself when you are trying to lose weight (about 25-30 lbs left to go), and are not making progress on the scale.

One thing to learn is about frustration and how you deal with that kind of stress.  I'm a stress eater, so stressing about my weight causes me to eat.  And then? Rinse and repeat.  How do I deal with that?  So far, I'm still learning how to overcome this.  But, I am glad to have identifiedf that I stress eat.  I go for that comfort that eating brings me (that delicious, rebellious, shameful comfort).  And maybe soon I'll figure out how to identify it as stress eating and deal better with the stress and frustrations without eating my feelings.

I've also learned that life happens.  Vacations happen.  Things change.  The constant is you.  I am determined as hell to lose this weight.  I'm going to keep trying new things to get me to my weight goals.  Even if I gain.  Then I can always try something else.

I've learned about that voice in my head.  The one that is meaner to me than I would be to anyone else.  Except my daughter.  Apparently that mean voice wants to hold my daughter to a standard I can't maintain, and apparently she should be good enough, smart enough, strong enough to be perfect - even if I can't. 

I've learned to stop that voice when it comes to my weight.  I'm learning to accept that physically, it's not all or nothing.  Which is the same with everything in life.  Accept that it's work.  Accept that you can learn.  Accept that you can change.  And just accept yourself.

Plateaus suck.  Use them to your advantage, and try to make lemon bars out of lemons.