Christmas Magic...

I took a vow of radio silence, and I've been upholding this vow.  This was mostly because I was being too affected by my news feed.  This was a great idea because I was able to figure out what was stressing me out, and how I'd really like to be able to use FB in the future.  I'll be back in 2015, but I'll have some cleaning to do of my news feed.

Onto Christmas Magic.

(Visiting Santa when we went to see the town's tree lighting)

I noticed the other day, that when I didn't have Christmas music playing on my car radio, that it really didn't feel like Christmas at all.  I don't know if it's the lack of snow, or being 36 and a parent, or that I am really dreading the onset of true winter in the next 2 months (p.s. happy first day of winter!).  Whatever it is, I noticed that the magic seemed to be missing - at least for me.  

Don't get me wrong, we have decorated the house, and we've gone to see the lights, sent out cards, received cards, etc.  It's just....hmmm...another day to do other things.

(Graham cracker crunch with a Tara spin - Almonds instead of walnuts, and added a drizzle of chocolate ganache.  The batch did not last through until the next day. YUM )

I don't know. Maybe I'm crazy (more than likely).

Even though I may not be filled with the magic of Christmas just yet, I still am very happy this holiday season.  My family and I have been so blessed, and I just want to make sure that I take a minute and express the things I'm thankful for this year.

First and foremost, our health.  My family is healthy and happy.  The girls are growing and learning new things every day.  Tony and I have both lost weight and continue to work on living a healthy life.  

(We took the girls to see The Nutcracker.  I loved it.  Mia loved it.  Tony seemed to like it.  I think Olivia thought it was ok.)

I am thankful that we've begun to travel.  This year we took our kids to Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, New York, Cleveland and Kansas.  Not to mention the many trips to explore Chicago.  I've always wanted to see new places and I'm so happy we've been able to start traveling, and to share this with our kids.

(My train companion, commuting to Chicago to see the decorated windows at Macy's and the zoo lights at Lincoln Park Zoo)

I'm thankful that Tony and I have good jobs and that we, together, are able to provide for our family.

(Dinner, after Winter Wonderland at Mia's school - Pajamas were the required attire.)

I'm thankful for friends.  My life is brighter, views expand, experiences known, with new and old friends.

I'm thankful for my brother.  He's been my therapist this year, and a great listener and shoulder for me.

I'm thankful for my husband.  He keeps me grounded, makes me laugh.  He's awesome.

I'm thankful for my kids.  They make me laugh, make me cry, make me yell.

(Olivia's picture of me.  Made me laugh)

I'm thankful for all of you that are reading this.  I hope that you have a happy and wonderful Christmas, or Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa, or any holiday that is celebrated.  Have a safe and wonderful new year too!

Radio Silence...

A lot of things have been going on in the world lately.  A lot of things that I see on Facebook.  Social discussions, the sharing of news, of videos, of opinions, of memes.

I'm overwhelmed.

I'm overwhelmed by seeing pictures everyday of children, kids showing battle wounds, scars, hideous injury after being attacked by dogs.  Videos of citizens being beaten by cops, all while already handcuffed, or more than one cop taking on one person.  Stories about shootings, and violence happening in schools.  Stories of people abusing their animals, and pictures of animals living and dying in horrible conditions.  Stories of racism, of unbelievable craziness that blows common sense out of the water. Stories of violence against women, of violence against children, of violence.

These stories hurt me.  They hurt my heart.  And they make me fear for me, my kids, my family.  And.  And.  These stories make me think.

These stories make me think of truly how lucky I am.  I am very blessed.  I have an income, and can pay my bills.  I have a roof over my head, and can feed my children.  I have decent health care, and my family is healthy.  I have a loving husband, and two beautiful, intelligent, caring, loving children.

These stories also make me think about what it is like to walk in other people's shoes.  These stories have shown me new worlds, new ways of living that I never knew.  I feel as if my eyes have been opened by hearing the stories of day to day life of people that are not me.  I feel the raw emotion of people that are being treated unjustly, I feel the impotence, the rage.  All this emotion, with no where to direct it.

These stories have shown just how far we still have to go in this world to be seen as equals.  I feel like people need their eyes opened again, to learn how to walk in another persons shoes.  How would you feel if you were walking down the street, and the cops rolled up on you?  How would you feel if this was a daily, a weekly, a monthly, a regular occurrence?  How would you feel if you did not have confidence in the police to protect you, only that they might not believe what you say, might actually turn on you and treat you not like a victim, but as the perpetrator of a crime?  How does it feel to be looked at as a criminal, judged as guilty without proof, based on what you look like on the outside?  How does it feel to be bullied, day in and out, by people that 'justly' have power over you?  How does it feel to work so hard to make something of yourself, to break stereotypes, to still be harassed because of the color of your skin?  I'm not going to tell you I know how this feels.  I haven't experienced this, but because of other people's voices, because of other people's words, I'm starting to better understand how people that have experienced this feel.

While I'm thinking about all these situations in the news, while I'm being bombarded on social media by other people's stories, other opinions, spouting about what they think, why this is right, wrong, or other on all sorts of situations and scenarios and they give explanations, excuses, judgements, etc.  While all this is happening today, and I'm reading all of this in my news feed, taking it all in, I'm being overwhelmed.

My head can no longer take all of the onslaught of my Facebook account.  I feel as if I am bombarded by so much, and I need to find a way I can help, or to figure out what I can do to move the pendulum of change.  But, I'm so overwhelmed with it all that my mind is no longer processing.  I'm taking it in, and I'm thinking about all of this so much that I can no longer sleep.  I feel as if my voice can't be heard. Not because I am not loud, not because I don't have things to say, but mostly because I can't figure out how to say it.  How can I express myself in a way that is valuable, that is expressive, that will not alienate?

The reason I tell you all of this is because I'm going to take some time to gather my thoughts.  I'm going to take some time to process all the data that is coming through to me.  I'm going to let my mind work on these feelings, these situations, and lead me to the way that I can do something to help swing the pendulum of change.  To do this, I will be taking my radio silence in the form of a Facebook break.  For the month of December, I will only be on Facebook to share any blog posts, or to wish people a happy birthday.  I will take the time to enjoy my family and the holidays, to use my Facebook time by catching up on Instagram and Twitter.  I will speak to people in person, or on the phone.  And hopefully I will write a thing or two.

Do you know what a "lock down drill" is?

Tonight, after picking up Mia and coming home.  I immediately went to my room to change out of my fun heeled boots, and cute blue skirt and black tights.  It's just not the kind of outfit you want to be wearing while traipsing around the kitchen, throwing together dinner for your kids.

Mia came upstairs with me, and asked me if she could dress up.  It's kinda funny that she came home to dress up and I was putting my sweats on.  Anyway, while I was changing, as you moms know, this of course was the perfect time for Mia to come tell me about her day.

She came to show me that she could do a lock down drill.  She showed me how you have to sit, and stay quiet.  Don't scream, she says.  Because there are no windows in the classroom, and the lights will be off.  Someone could be in the hallway, and want to get you.  So they practice hiding, in the dark, preparing for the scenario that someone comes into the school and is shooting, or some other terrifying act.

....WTF?!?!?!?....

Did you know about this drill?  I mean, yeah, I may be behind on the safety precautions our kids are being taught, but...

a lock down drill?

Where my kid is being taught to hide in the dark and not to scream?

This makes me angry.  Righteously, indignantly, and terrifyingly ANGRY.

Our CHILDREN are being to sent to schools.  Where they may not be safe.  We send them to learn, to learn math, and reading, how to socialize and work hard.  But.  BUT.  It has become abundantly clear that we can't keep our kids safe at school.

What are our lawmakers doing about this?  All I hear about is how we are de-funding education left and right.  How we are not paying our teachers.  How we are promoting that anyone can carry a gun - not just to protect their home, but anywhere they go.  AND OUR KIDS ARE NOT SAFE AT SCHOOL!!

Is this getting through????  I'm tired of hearing political ads, and how Congress is the worst, least productive Congress ever.  I care about that - yes - but more than that, I care that our kids are safe.  I felt safe when I was at school.  Even during fire drills, and tornado drills.  Those were things that you tried to prepare for because you can't stop them.  We can stop having our kids be targeted.  We can do something about this.

What can we do?  Honestly, right now, I don't know.  But, I have ideas.  And I am going to research what I can do to make this better.  I will do everything I can to make sure that my kids feel safe at school and really and truly are safe.  Because, our kids should be able to enjoy school, and learn in a safe environment.

My little Elsa, hanging out with me, watching Frozen, feeling secure.