It's only life, we all get through it....

I don't really know what I am going to write about today, but I sometimes, I feel like this:

I had titled this one "Sunshine and rain."  I kinda love this.  It's how I've been feeling lately.  I've come out of my post vacation depression.  Seeing how good things are at home.  I like my job, I have great friends, I have a great family, we are healthy, etc.  Things are good.  But, I also love the confusion in this picture.  Like, you know that there is sunshine, but you don't know just when the rain will come again.  Which is basically life.  There will be rain again, and then sunshine.  It's always right there, you just don't know when it will hit.

I've also been feeling like this:

The all-encompassing mess, which of course, is a shrine to naked barbies.  I cookie jar about to swallow a pink plane.  A random pony trying to join in.  Tinkerbell's fat ass off to the side. Maracas.  This picture is pure chaos, which is also what life has been like recently.  Both brothers at my house, neither steadily working.  Both sleeping late, staying up late, putting my dishes away in the wrong spots, Tony out of town, then back again, school starting, end of summer....chaos.

But, to deal with chaos and the stress, I find the things I like to do and do them.  This leads to things like this:

For Jory's birthday, I made a Pumpkin Nutella Pound Cake with Maple Pecan Glaze.  Was it good?  Yum.  Was it fattening?  Oh my goodness, yes.  But, I enjoyed baking it.  I love hearing about how much people like it, and it helps keep me grounded and calm in my world of naked barbies, third graders that drive you crazy, diaper rash on an almost 4 year old thanks to night time pull up use (and we couldn't identify it - poor kid suffered for a week before we got her to the doctor to tell us it was diaper rash), sunshine and rain.

THAT mom....

Oh my goodness!  These kids are DRIVING ME BATSH*T CRAZY!!!!

I have one that wants to eat all bad foods under the sun.  She wants crackers, and chips, and carbs galore.  Unless, of course, I make said carbs.  Then, she won't touch it.  Pancakes?  Did Mom make them?  Then, no.  Cookies?  Did Mom make them?  Then, no.  Cake?  Did Mom make it?  Then, no.

The other - not really better.  She just refuses to eat almost anything except fruit snacks, hot dogs, and goldfish crackers.  Cheetos?  Yum.  Mom made turkey burger? NO.  Cheese stick? YES.  Mom made hot dogs for dinner?  NO.  Seriously.  I made her favorite food for dinner last week, she didn't touch it.

Every night, every morning, every meal is a fight with these two.  Why do I do it?  Does it make me happy to yell at them?  No, not really.  Maybe sometimes I get some small satisfaction from making them cry (usually at the point that my frustration level saw it's limit diminishing from the rear view mirror).  Is it just the eating?  No.  I could make a huge list of the things that I fight with Olivia about, hair brushing, showering, eating, TV, but I won't.  Here's just one example that pushes me to my limit.

After arguing about bed time, she read to her sister like the good big sister she is.  Then, she was jealous that the cat was in Mia's room.  She went to grab him, when I told her to stop.  The poor cat is man-handled enough from her.  Then, I noticed the way the cat was acting - like he hadn't been fed.  But, I had asked told her to feed the cats when we were downstairs.  Now, she hadn't fed them.  I told her again to feed the cats.  "But, I'm tired."  Too bad.  She looks down to the dark downstairs.  "But it's dark."  Turn on a light.  "How?"

I'm not kidding.  How do you not want to scream at that?  This is the kind of thing she does to frustrate me, and it usually works.  Every time I learn how to control myself and get around her stubbornness, she finds a new way to press that button in me.  Some days (like tonight) I felt that control go and could not grab it back and it just ruined my night.  I am so tired of fighting with them.  I want to be the fun mom.  The mom that they love to be around, that they want to talk to, but I feel like I push them away at the same time.

I could have asked her to feed the cats instead of tell her.  I could sit with Mia to make her eat instead of yell.  For some reason, while I know I can do these things, I just don't.  I am the mean mom.  I am the crazy mom that harps on every little thing.  I am not the mom that I want to be.  I think some days, maybe some day soon, I'll actually start writing down all the things about the mom I want to be.  The home I want to live in with my family.  Maybe then, I can teach myself to be that mom.

It's the haps...

Do you remember that awesome slang from the '90's?  "What's the haps?"  We were so cool, I just can't take it anymore.

Speaking of cool, check out Miss Liv, all dressed up for the first day of school - today!  This kid has a wicked fashion sense.  I mean, seriously?  Either I'm too tired to fight it, or it really is starting to look OK.  Maybe I've just gotten too old and have departed the fashion train.

She is rocking a t-shirt featuring a cat queen and dog king.  A teal with white polka-dots skirt that in no way matches the shirt.  You may need to wear shades when you check the socks - they're hot pink!  And the shoes?  Whatever was on sale at Target - multi-colored fake Keds.  With the pink backpack and lunchbox to boot.  She looks awesome!  I love it!  And she was so excited to go back to school!

My third grader

Because she can't be left out, here's little Miss Mia having fun at the park sometime last week.

 

We've had some visitors...  Here is my brother Derrick, swinging the girls.  Apparently, they believe that their uncles are good for one thing - swinging them.  The question is constant, "Will you swing me?"  Since Derrick is not here that often, he has been the sucker for the past week or so.

In other randomness, we had this cat come to visit.  I picture the mental exchange going something like this:

My cats:  Hey man, what's up?

Other cat: Nothing, man.  Absolutely nuthin'.  How's the house?

My cats:  Oh you know.  SSDD.  Have you seen those chipmunks?  Try not to kill them and eat them OK?  We like to stare at them and imagine the ways we would torture them.

Other cat:  It's cool, man.  They're yours.  Besides, chipmunks scare me.  Didn't you ever see what those two in the cartoon did to that duck?  Yeah, no chipmunks for me.

My cats:  Yeah, they are scary.  Cool man.  See you around.

Other cat:  Yeah. Check you later.

Anyone else wondering why my cats seem to be dialogueing from Dazed and Confused?

We went bowling last weekend.  Why?  Because on Friday, I had a bowling outing with work and told Derrick that I bowled a 152.  His reaction?  Scowling, "We will go bowling this weekend."  Competition - is that hereditary?

 

Upper left: Derrick drinking water from the pitcher (not beer, thank you 21st birthday).  Clockwise: Derrick checking cell phone.  Nohemi and Jory, please disregard the large purse in the foreground.  Mia getting windblown by the air.  Center:  Tony with his strike sign.

Lastly, this past week (or two, but who's counting?), we tried Cinnamon Roll Waffles.  Um, scrumptious!  I found the recipe from punchfork.com.  It is like a search engine of food bloggers.  Super awesome for anyone who likes to cook and to try new recipes.

Also, Nohemi sent Jory over with a 5lb gummy bear.  Yep.  It's not bad.  But, it's gonna take quite some time before it's gone.  My guess is that at the end of next summer, it still won't be eaten and it will get tossed.

Lastly, I said goodbye to an old friend.  This mug has been with me since my days at the buck.  It was between 14 and 12 years old, but did not survive my punk kids knocking it off the arm of the couch.  Rest in pieces star mug.  I will search for an adequate replacement, but you will always be my first mug love.