January 21

To quote Ice Cube, "Today was a good day."

Today, my oldest and I got up early, left the house, stopped to get (awesome) donuts and coffee and dropped ourselves off at the train station.  It was foggy, but not too chilly.  We were some of the first people to get to the train station.

As the fog began to clear and the sun to come out, more and more women joined us on the platform waiting for a train.  Women wearing pink hats and carrying posters.  Men carrying posters.  Women wearing "Nasty Women" shirts.  We were heading to Chicago to march.

When we got to Chicago, I was amazed at our luck.  We had beautiful Chicago weather (60 degrees and sunny!).  We got to the rally site and stood and tried to hear the speakers as we watched the crowds swell for over an hour.  We found my brother and fiancé, just as the march began.  

There were so many of us and we heard that we were no longer heading down Jackson, so we headed down Congress.  We cheered with people on the El as they saw us in the streets.  We chanted with the people in the buildings who were also waving signs at us.  We chanted in the streets for choice over our own bodies, LGBTQ rights, immigrant rights, black lives matter and against Trump.

It was amazing.

I have been feeling anxious and scared since the election.  I haven't been sleeping as I wake up almost every night between 1 and 3 am and am so overwhelmed with what is going on in this country and the changes to our way of life that we are being threatened with, that I can't fall back to sleep.

Today, though.  Today I saw that we are not alone, I am not alone.  I am not the only person terrified that our way of life is threatened.  I am not the only person willing to fight for what is morally right.  Today, I was part of history.

Today was the best day I've had since the election.  Today, I regained my optimism.  I overcame my social anxiety and upped my own ante to take my daughter with me.  We marched, we held signs, we chanted, we laughed.  I've never felt so much solidarity and peace in a large crowd.  People helped each other out.  A woman's sign broke, and a man jumped right in with duct tape and fixed it.  Something was dropped?  Three people stopped to pick it up.  There was no jostling, angry elbows or words.  Just people being kind to one another, people showing what peace, kindness and the human spirit can be.

Today was a good day.

This is the sign that my youngest made, and I carried.

My oldest made this sign and carried it at the march/rally.

Here....

Wow.  I literally posted 3 times in 2016.  THREE TIMES!

I'm honestly amazed that I could still log in, and that my blog was still here.

It's 2017 now.  It was a bit of a tumultuous 2016.  I'm not going to go on about how it sucked or anything because there were good times and bad, plain and simple.  2016 was, and not it is not.

And I wanted to talk about something.  As you know, I have been working on my weight loss for some time.  I've been a Weight Watcher for a little over 5 years now.  I haven't reached my goal yet, which is my own fault.

I read something recently that a man incentivized himself to give him a better reason to hit his weight loss goals.  This struck home for me because the only thing that I have to look forward to is continued watching what I eat, exercising, decisions, etc.  I mean, it's a different lifestyle and it's really not anything I can imagine too well, let alone, use it to push me toward my goals.

So, I made a list. I made a list of all the things I want, whether they are things, activities, self help, I listed them.  I then used that list to turn into an incentive program for my weight loss.  To help me work hard to reach my weight loss goal.

The list of what I want is mostly as follows:

I want to travel - to Europe and new places in general.

I want to feel healthy.

I want to volunteer.

I want to stand up for rights.

I want to be involved.

I want to be the best mom possible.

I want to hang out with my husband and have date nights.

I want to be around extended family more.

I want to feel less overwhelmed.

I want to fix up my house.

I want to feel like I am making a difference.

I want to take more pictures - good pictures.

I want to write again (ahem).

I want to feel valued.

I want to hit goal at WW.

I want to feel pretty and strong - confident.

I want to find a therapist.

This is many wants, and I don't have enough goals to use all of these.  And really, I don't need to wait until I hit certain goals to volunteer, see family, feel less overwhelmed.  Some of these are going to drive out goal lists of their own.

However, I did take some of these and turn them into incentives for myself:

By the end of 2017,  I want to weigh between 145 and 150 pounds.

I want to hit 145 pounds so that I can officially say that I have lost 100 pounds.

By July 29, if I weight between 145 and 150, I will reward myself by planning a European (Ireland, Scotland, England) Vacation.

If I lose 1/2 a pound or more per week, I will take $10 and put it aside for myself - for use however and whenever I like.

If I lose 5 pounds a month, I will take my husband on a date night.

If I have lost and can maintain 145 to 150 pounds by the end of the year, I will get another tattoo.

Do you have ways that you incentivize or motivate yourself to accomplishments?

Seventeen Again...

HOLEEE SHIIT, you guys.  You GUYS!!  I haven't posted anything...ANYTHING...since January.

JANUARY!!!

Ok, so I knew it had been a long time, but holy crap-oly, I didn't think it had been almost .75 of a year!

Wow.

Just.  Wow.

Okay, so, I'm a terrible friend.  Even with my blog.  Like, I don't call.  I don't text.  I don't email.  And apparently, I don't write either.

Hey!  Hey you there!  Talk to me!

It's been a bit of an odd year for me.  I have been on a weight loss journey for almost 5 years now, but in 2016 have gained about 5-10 lbs that I can't seem to get rid of.  I've been a little stressed at work.  It's been quite topsy-turvy there, so yeah, there's that.  My oldest daughter is almost a teen, like a real, true, omg teen.  We're going through shaving and phones and hanging out with friends.  At the mall.  The little one is growing up too, finding her voice, even through her continuous mouth gear.  And Tony has been a bit stressed too.  Then there is also the whole election thing and everything else that is going on with this country.

There have been good things, great things too!  We went to Seattle and I took the girls to Kansas for Spring Break.  Mia is going to be a flower girl.  ANNNDD, we built a deck (finally)! 

All this to say that I have been feeling a little, uh, different lately? Not different so much as, maybe, reminiscent of another time? I've been feeling like I'm going through my second seventeen.  Does that make sense?  No?  

When I was seventeen was the first time I started to gain some confidence in myself.  I started to trust myself.  I started driving and gained freedoms.  I explored different ways to express myself.  And, it was a big election year (when I turned 18) too.  I was figuring out who I was, what was important to me, and how to express that.

Super Mario fun

Now, I have more confidence than I think I've even had.  I feel more beautiful today than I ever did before.  I trust my decisions, and am not apologizing for who I am.  I am finding my voice, again.  Or retrying it on for size.  My kids are getting older and are leaving me alone, so I am finding time do things like read, or watch tv, or play on the computer and catch up on news.  I am finding my political voice again.  I am finding that I have views, and opinions and beliefs and I am feeling like I can and should express them - at times.

New Tattoo

I am a feminist.  To the core.  I am thoroughly enjoying how people are turning views on their heads, and making my mind widen.  I want to see and understand peoples points of views, but not falter in my own.  I'm finding that not only am I able to do that, I can listen to what is being said and really have discussions with them.

I am loving being seventeen again.  I feel good about myself and am learning to accept myself.

I can accept myself, but not licks from the dog.