I don't think I'm ready for this jelly....

I have been reading this book.  My little brother left it in the house when he moved out.  He claims it is such a great book, that when I had nothing in the house that I wanted to read, I figured I'd give this book a try.

The book is about quantum, um, things.  I have been reading it really closely.

Anywho, the book goes into how to break an emotional addiction.  Such as a repeated behavior that brings you the same emotion and usually the same result.

The book asked me to name one addiction I have that I would like to break and to open myself up to how I could induce the universe to help me with that change.  Not that I could tell you exactly how this addiction would be fixed, but that I would be open to possibilities.

Can you guess what my addiction is?

Yeah - it's my weight.

I have been "heavy" most of my life.  P.s.  I hate that word.  You don't call skinny people light.  Don't call me heavy.  It's overweight, bitch!

I have been struggling with my weight for most of my life.  I have been able to lose significant amounts of weight earlier in my life - you know - BK.  (Before Kids)

Now, I don't have a whole lot of time for exercising.  I work in an office in front of a computer (can you say, sedentary?).  My favorite past times are reading, blogging and watching TV.

Plus, I like to eat.  My two biggest problem foods - meat and carbs.  I'm not going to break a diet over ice cream or candy, I'm going to break it over a steak or chips.

But, I digress.

So, I decided to open myself up on new ways to lose weight and guess what happened.

Weight Watchers is coming to my work - and every one of my female co-workers has joined.  And, it's discounted.

So - for the first time, I am being open to Weight Watchers.  This is actually hard for me.  I was put into Jenny Craig at 10 years old.  I HATED it.  I'm not good at being told what I can and cannot do with my own body.

But, I'm am going to be open to Weight Watchers.  I am admitting that I need help to learn how to eat right.  I need help to focus on eating healthy and excersising.  Do I need a support group?  I don't know, we'll see.  Do I look forward to public weigh-ins or sharing my weight with a counselor I don't know?  Hell-to-the mutha-effin'-NO!  I'm more private than that.

I want to lose 100 lbs.  Yes - that's right, 100.

I was not at a weight I wanted to be at for my wedding.  The dress maker actually had to let my dress out at the last fitting because I had gained weight - and no, I wasn't pregnant yet.

I tried to lose weight again after we were married - was exercising and nothing was happening.  Then, I got pregnant.  I gained 40 lbs with Olivia, and my Doc only wanted me to gain 20.

After she was born, I lost weight and then gained it back.  I still had 30 lbs to go to get to pre-Olivia weight when I got pregnant with Mia.  I only gained 15 lbs with her, and my Doc wanted only 10.

Again, I lost weight and gained it back.  About a year ago, I started working out a lot more and watching what I ate, much better than ever before.  I got down to 5 lbs less than I am right now - losing about 20 lbs.  I still have 25 lbs to make it to pre-Olivia weight and am having a hard time getting started again.

Me and Weight Watchers are about to step in the ring and start throwing punches at Doritos and Lays.

I would like to lose 3 out of 4 chins - I really only need one, thanks.

My muffin top over mom jeans - I mean, really?

That roll, just under the boobs, should not need a bigger bra size than my boobs.  It would be nice to have a stomach that does not take up my whole body.  I feel like Violet from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - "Take her to the juicing room."

I think that there is a waist in there somewhere.  I am launching an expedition to find it.

I'm still contemplating how I will incorporate this into my blog.  I may give you weekly updates.  I may suck it up and add pictures.  I may not.  I am a bit self-conscious.

Wish me luck!  'Cause maybe, just maybe, me and Ms. Hudson will hang out one day!