10 questions (and maybe more) not to be asked from a spouse...and why.

I'm linking up with Mama Kat for the first time at Mama's Losin' It, with one of her writing prompts. (Sorry Mama Kat, but technical difficulties are not allowing me to show your rockin' button.)

Here are 10 (or more) questions that you should NOT ask your spouse - and why:

1. Do you mind if Junior sleeps in our room?  He had a nightmare, and, well, I thought.... he could sleep with us?  I know he's 17 3/4, but he's still a minor, aight! No explanation needed for this one - I hope.
2. Do you think that J Lo is pretty?  Prettier than me?  Let's face it ladies, J Lo is not only prettier than you, she can dance better, has an entourage to make her look more beautiful and take that empanada out of her hands so her butt can still inspire songs and Bentley gifts.  She has people to take care of her kids, so that she is not a raging Mama hopped up on soggy graham crackers and wine.  Plus, she makes a ton of money.  Yeah, your husband wishes he was married to her.
3. Tomorrow's Saturday.  For once, for the love of all that is holy, will you please get up with the kids?  Um, yeah, unless it's Mother's Day, you can expect a "Yes, of course, for you, anything" answer, but I guarantee you will be up to watch the sunrise with your kiddos the next morning plotting his imminent demise at your sleep deprived hands.
4. You wanna come see what I just produced in the bathroom?  This is something a husband should never ask.  This question = divorce, or at least no sex for 2 months.  Note:  Any wives asking this question, also grounds for divorce, and no orgasms for at least a year.
5. I wasn't so bad when I was pregnant, was I?  You will not like the answer.  You know you were a crazy person - who wouldn't be?  You're spouse put up with you because A. you had unprotected sex with him at some point and B. he will expect unprotected sex again sometime in the future.
6. Will you teach me to drive stick?  This will test your marriage like even toilet art cannot.  Do not agree to let him or her teach you to drive stick.  Things will be said, punches may be thrown, lines will be crossed, your gender and/or parents will be subject to insult, and one of you will end up walking at some point, probably the one who doesn't know how to drive stick.
7. Does this outfit make me look like a whore?  If the answer is yes - change, no questions asked and thank your honest husband! If the answer is no - change or find your best grandma cardigan to offset the whorey feeling of the outfit or... change.  If the answer is that he jumps on you and you don't get out the door, save the outfit for a rainy day, but do NOT go out in it.
8. Do you think I've gained weight?  Really?  What are you looking for with this?  You know you gained weight - your pants have told you so.  Also, do not answer this question if it is directed to you.  Take your spouse into your arms, kiss them, and tell them that you adore them.  Change subject.  At this point, you can ask the toilet question without fear of divorce.
9. Does your mom like me?  If you have to ask this question, the answer is no.  But, you will not get the truth from your spouse until the "best Mother-in-Law ever" has been gone for at least 2 years.
10. Would you like it if I got a boob job?  No, I like the way one is quite a bit bigger than the other, it gives my left hand a work out.  Also, the way they sag and hide your belly button is so much better than if they were Holly Madison's boobs, and way sexier.  I mean who wants someone that has symmetrical perky breasts?  Note:  do not offer this unless you are serious, because it will be the subject of conversations until you or he passes away.  Even divorce cannot cure this conversation.

What questions would you not ever ask your spouse?