Slow ride; take it easy...

So, yeah.  I've been away from here for quite some time.  Gone, but not forgotten, my friends.  I've not been feeling like myself as much lately, but that feeling is coming back.  At least, I think it is.

I've been stressing, and stressing and stressing and at some point, you just have to lay that all down and let the cards tumble where they might.  Sometimes, you figure out that you can't change what other people do, how they act, how their words can make you feel.  What you can change is how you react to them.  How you let these things affect your life.  It may take me longer than others to figure these things out, but once I got it, I'm done.

So.  For the moment at least, I'm getting back to where I belong.  Worrying about things that I can effect, or change.  Stressing about things that are within my power to fix.  Or not stressing about the other things that people do, say or how they act.  I can start enjoying things again, the little things.  The things I may take for granted until they smack me upside the head.

Things like how my little miss Mia is growing up so fast.  She's four now.  FOUR.  She plans her wardrobe.  She uses the potty.  She wears big girl undies - even to bed (for the first time tonight - fingers crossed!).  She sings along to the songs on the radio and like to request Miley Cyrus.  She's fascinated by other people and is about as social as social gets.  She makes me laugh with her faces and the things she tells me.  She still likes to cuddle sometimes too.

Then, when I start to notice how sweet it is to old Mia's hand as we walk to Olivia's day care, and I start to wonder how much longer I will get to hold this sweet little hand in mine.  As I picture Mia as a grown up, and me holding the hand of our next generation.

Which brings me to my other much more grown up daughter.  The one that is testing her independence by going to the bathroom at the grocery store - BY HERSELF.  Or, who helps my by ordering the lunch meat from the deli counter.  Or, who decides to clean up for no reason (this actually happened once, about a week ago.  I thought I had died).  Or who goes off by herself to read.

This little girl who has been independent since day one.  This little girl that wouldn't cuddle, but would stare deep into your eyes while she took her bottle like she would drink up your soul with the bottle.  This little artist who would draw on everything, and everyone.  My little observer who would watch everything you do and imitate.  My little mini me in so very many ways.

This little girl is gone with an older version of her.  The little observer who has grown into a bigger watcher.  She doesn't miss a whole lot.  She is curious and wants to know about so many things.  She wants to show you the things that interest her, like math, and how she can do her multiplication tables.  The girl who has loves her cat, and loves her family, and absolutely adores being praised and having good attention.

These are the things I can't afford to miss, or to just let them slip by.  These are the things I want to think about.  About how to empower and adore and love both of my daughters in their own way.  Showing them how to navigate a world with poise and dignity, and how to treat other people and themselves.  These are the things that I will keep and I will let the others go.