The road...

I was getting ready to go to sleep tonight, when I noticed, I just wasn't tired.  What to do with extra time? I watched Chicago Fire (mostly to see Lt. Severide), and it's a good show.  But, now that it's over, what to do?  My kids are asleep, my hubs is downstairs, the cats can't be bothered, I'm bored with facebook, twitter, etc. and my phone is down there too.

Lo and behold, I do have this crazy computer, and I blog that I sometimes write on.  I could take a minute to write!  What a novel idea!

Lately, I've been around less.  It seems like this writing thing has to find it's way in though.  I am busy.  I am stressed.  I am overwhelmed.

I got sick this past week or so, thankfully getting over it.  But, between fighting the cold, fighting my stress, promising too much and giving too little, I wore myself out a bit and needed to find some time to rest.

Do you ever have bleed-over from your work life to your real life and vice versa?  Like, when you get stressed at work or overwhelmed, it makes you do less at home, which may make you feel more overwhelmed because there is always so much to do?  And when your home life is making you unhappy, you may dive happily into work to think about your home life less, but notice that you are still stressing out - now even more because this feels like it's all you have?

Yeah?  That sucks.

But, that's how it is for me too.  I've been stressed out and thinking and planning.  I've become very angry, and not expressing it in the most healthy ways.  I'm tired, I'm cranky.  I'm pretty pissy lately.

I don't necessarily like the me that I am right now.  I also don't necessarily know what to do to change that.  Mostly because I am swamped with stuff to do, at work, at home.  Thankless tasks, repeated tasks, no rewards, only those in my head.  Sometimes, those rewards in your head is not enough.  Sometimes, you start to feel lost.  Sometimes, you see that open road and want to take it.  Find out where you will go.  Will  you repeat the same mistakes you've made in the past?  Would you finally follow that dream?  What is the collateral damage that can be caused by following that dream?  What is acceptable collateral damage?  OR - would you end up in the same situation - doing the same thing - wishing for that next fresh start that might, or might not, come down the road?

I need to better my own situation.  While the road beckons, it is not something I'm ready to try just yet.  I need to learn from bad situations in the past, and try to do things the right way.  I need to get in gear and get stuff done.  But, I also need to take care of me.  Somehow, someway, I need to keep tabs on me and make sure that the me that I want to be is never very far away.

But maybe, I'll see you on that road someday soon.