Dearest Justin Timberlake...

Due to the lack of variety in music today, at least in new music played on good ol' FM radio, I happen to find myself hearing music that I may like, love, or dislike, or altogether just not understand.  I have to say, Mr. Timberlake, that usually the music I hear from you, I pay little to no attention to the lyrics, mostly because I can't make them out over the beats.  Songs such as "Sexyback" and "Rock Your Body" are fun dance beat songs.  I'm not into the songs for the lyrics, I'm into these songs for a workout, or fun car-dance session.

A new song was recently released to the public, meaning the 8-14 year olds that listen to the music that is on in their 34-45 year old mom's cars.  This song is a bit of a throw back, having a more soulful sound.  I really love the music in this song.  It is fun, upbeat, and kind of different from the other songs I hear on the radio.

However, I can definitely hear lyrics in this song.  And Mr. Timberlake, color me confused.  These lyrics make no sense to me.  This may be because I'm not up on all of your hip, young people slang.  Being that you are all of 2 years younger than me, I assume that you have a deeper understanding of what is cool in the under thirty crowd.

What do you mean when asking to "get a good look at it", and then reference how "you know why they call it a fatty"?  Um, what?  Call what a fatty?  Since this song is entirely about sex, I have surmised this is not a drug reference.  However, if you are noting that there is some part of a female that is called a "fatty", that is definitely not in my Old People Dictionary for Young People Slang.  But, on the other hand, you could be referencing a male body part as well.  Either way, you wouldn't have much luck getting your suit and tie on the floor if you were either calling your partner and/or her parts fat, or talking about yourself.  Just an quick FYI, from this old lady.  Also, another thing to note, no girl I've met finds it sexy to refer to a partner as "Daddy."  Maybe that's just my down home Midwest upbringing, but it's usually a turn off to say things that make your partner think of their parents.  

Next, when you tell me to "Get out yo seat, Ho", I am offended, and possibly a little hurt.  I'm thinking to myself, I'm not a Ho.  Why would Mr. Timberlake call me a Ho?  What has he heard?  Also, I can't get out of my seat, because I'm driving, in my car.  And if I was at a concert, I'd already be out of the seat.

Suffice it to say, that I have children in my car, who hear this music because...well, because I let them.  I have to tell you though, that the Will.I.Am/Britney song is almost a relief.  The lyrics are simple, and catchy, mostly because they are repeated so much.  And my little one thinks she is saying that "It's Britney Fish."  I find this so amusing that I have adopted those lyrics myself.

I guess the last thing that I wanted to know is, what things are you going to show this girl that's a fatty?  You say that you will show her a few things about love.  I'm thinking you'll show her how awesome you are by cleaning her dishes (if she cooks for you), shoveling snow for her, letting her pick the movie you guys go to see, maybe give her flowers, take her to a nice weekend away, some of these things before your suit hits the floor.  Well, whether that's what you plan to show her or not, that's the story that I'll be sticking to and thinking about when I hear your song, three times on my commute to work tomorrow, and the three times I'll hear it on the way home too.

Sincerely, 

Tara

A fan of you, and your acting and comedy, and sometimes your music

P.s. I wish I had a Britney Fish