Hair today, gone soon...

So, I've been stressing out some lately.  It's probably the reason that I haven't been writing as much, or at least, one of the many reasons I haven't been writing.

You see, I've always had fine hair.  But, I had lots and lots of fine hair.  I washed my hair everyday, I regularly colored my hair.  I've had perms, I've straightened it.  I've slept in rollers, used velcro rollers, hot rollers, all different sizes of curling iron, crimpers, flat irons, hair dryers, round brushes, flat brushes, you get the idea.

I've had my hair short, I've had it long.  But this past winter, I started noticing that my hair was getting really dried out.  So, I started washing it less.  Every other day instead of every day.  At the same time, I noticed how thin my hair was getting.  How much hair was coming off of me in the shower.  My hair was pretty long, and due for a cut, so in March, we cut a few (3, maybe 4 inches off).

My hair looked better.  But, still, there was that nagging thinness.  Those overwhelming (to my eyes), clumps of hair falling out when I washed.  Not clumps like thick sections from one part of my head, but clumps of hair stuck to my hands.  When I pull it from my hands, it's so much, I can't let it go down the drain.  If I did, I'd have to clean the drain every week.  Ah, who am I kidding? Tony would have to clean the drain weekly, and that's just not right.

So, in typical Tara fashion, I avoid the doctor.  I talk to friends, I talk to my stylist (who pointed out exactly where I need to focus my attention - hello noticeable bald spot).  They suggest a shampoo/conditioner treatment product.  As well as a visit to GNC to get some Biotin.

So, I try it.  For about 2 months.  No change.

I start researching a bit on the internet, talking to other friends.  Maybe my iron is low.  I check my multi-vitamin and find that there is no iron in said vitamin.  So, I switch vitamins and wait.  And wait.  And wait.

No change.

Now, I'm starting to face the hard truth.  I am going to have to suck it up and visit the doctor.  I really dislike visiting doctors.  I feel like they don't listen, want to treat symptoms not problems, and in general, I'm just anxious and terrified that they think I'm some sort of crazy hypochondriac, and so, I avoid the doctor as much as possible.

After waiting some more and trying to get used to the idea of visiting the doctor, I have a couple of incidents that I feel light headed, and finally call the doctor.  I talked to her, talked to the nurse, explain my fears.  They do blood work and tests, and say they'll call with the results.

Last Friday they called.  Absolutely nothing wrong.  My tests came back normal, beautiful thyroid levels, low cholesterol, biotin and iron levels normal.

I said thank you and hung up the phone.  And spent the next 2 hours at work avoiding people and trying not to burst into tears.  How can all the tests be normal, and I'm losing my damn hair and my damn mind to go along with it?  Now, the anxiety is back.  I've got to call the doctor and keep her looking into this.  It's not fair!  I've always had great hair.  I love my hair!  And now, it's leaving me forever and I don't know why.

Now that my hair is wispy, dried out and thin.  It looks like that hair you see hanging from skeletons at Halloween.  I'm so not used to this.  I want to cut it short, mostly because of how dried out it is.  I want that part gone.  I'm a little terrified that there might be other bald spots that I can't see just yet.  And I'm scared that it will be so thin, that it will look terrible that short.

I figure, even if it looks terrible, or I have bald spots, I can invest in hats and scarves, right? 

 Oh my gosh, I really am terrified of this.  It's not right to lose your hair.  I don't believe I have anyone else in my family (female) that lost their hair, but I don't necessarily know.  This is playing on my mind all the time.  It slaps me in the face when I go to look in the mirror.  I'm reminded every time I pull my hair back to go workout, by how thin the ponytail is.  I'm reminded when I twist it into a bun and its so small, I immediately untwist it and hope no one noticed.  I see it when I walk past my reflection in a window and see the thin wispy strands blowing in the wind.

I can't stop thinking about this and need to talk about it.  If I don't, I'm going to stress myself right out of the hair I have left.