Social Situations make me nervous...

Last night was Curriculum Night at Mia's preschool.  And, I went.  I don't know why, but I felt like either Tony or I should go.  It's not like we don't know/understand the curricula.  Olivia went to the same preschool.  In fact, Olivia still goes to day care there.

So, why go for Mia's curricula?  I don't know.  It's not like I didn't have 8 million other things to do.  It's not like I didn't just finish a work from home day, that included meetings for 75% of the day.  And my computer didn't crap out on my 4 times - during said meetings, while on the phone through my computer.  It's not like I didn't have to go to pick up the girls, come home, get Mia dressed and immediately run her up to dance class.  After which, I wanted to get to the grocery store, but didn't have time.  It's not like I wasn't able to make the dinner I had planned for lack of time.  The kid ate hot dogs. 

Then I went to curriculum night.

Being one of the 5 parents that showed up for Mia's teachers (2 couples and me), there was definitely a spotlight on the 5 of us.  I couldn't hide in the back, like I would normally love to do.  I wasn't able to observe.  They put me on the spot asking me what goals I have for Mia for preschool.  And what is one unique thing about your child. 

For me, this is just torturous.  I do not do well in social situations, with people I don't know.  I do not do well being put on the spot to come up with some great answer to your questions.  I am awkward.  I over think.  I am nervous.  And now, I think I've frightened my kids preschool teachers.

Here's my goal for Mia - I want you to be able to write an M, every time, no longer mistaking W for M.  Here's Mia's uniqueness - I tell her to keep pedaling her bike, she tells me she knows.  She can't/doesn't do it, but apparently she knows.  My four year old (almost 5) says some of the most grown up things I've ever hear - and usually understands what she is saying.  She's going to have my number as she gets older and has a remark for everything.  She wants to understand everything you tell her.  She wants you to explain everything to her.  She doesn't want to go to sleep because she's afraid she'll miss just one thing.  She tells me she wants to keep me.  She just melts your heart, pretty much every day.

What did I tell the teacher?  Nothing.  I told the teacher that I couldn't think of a unique thing about my child.  Yeah, that made me feel like the mother of the year.  A goal for Mia?  I asked if could bring that back in.  I was absolutely lost.  Then, my mouth started moving, and I don't think my brain had anything to do with the words coming from my mouth.  I said things about how it scares me that my 4yo is over friendly and she has a new best friend every day and how that seems odd that she doesn't understand how long someone should be a best friend.  That really doesn't frighten me.  But I wasn't coming up with the words that truly expressed how I feel.  Or that I know my child at all.

Today, when I picked up Mia, the teacher barely said "Hi" to me, even though I smiled and said Hi to her.  Ugh.

So, yeah.  I'm awkward.  It's one of the reasons that I blog.  It's one of the reasons I was good at radio - I got to talk to you, and never had to see you or get feedback from you.  It's one of the reasons that I don't make new friends.  And it's one of the reasons that I will be a nervous wreck if I ever set up a meeting with an online friend, to meet in real life.

Hi. My name is Tara, and social situations make me nervous.

This kid doesn't make me nervous though.