I was going to put up a post that's been rolling around in my mind - but, it is not currently upbeat, funny, or all around thrilling. So? I'm waiting on that one. I've had enough posts lately that are all blah, blah, blah, hard parenting, boo hoo, blah, blah blah.
I'm feeling a bit more fun today, so, welcome to this weeks telephone conversations with Tony.
Monday:
Tony: hello?
Me: The iron is broken. It's not working. What did you do to get it to work last night?
Tony: Did you plug it in?
Me: *insert incredulity* Yes! Of course I plugged it in. In 3 different outlets, even!
Tony: Did you turn it on?
Me: Seriously? These are your questions? Of course I turned it on! It's not rocket science - it's an iron!!!
Tony: It still isn't working? It was working for me last night.
Me: Hanging up now. I'll go to Target and get another. Thanks for the great questions.
Tuesday:
Tony: hello?
Me: I need you to come home from work.
Tony: Why? What's wrong?
Me: There's a spider on the ceiling. It's following me around the living room.
Tony: Seriously? You called about a spider? Kill it!
Me: You know that's your expertise.
Tony: Have Olivia kill it.
Me: Um, she can't reach. We tried that. What's your next suggestion? Are you going to make sure that I plugged it in?
Tony: Get a broom, sweep it to the floor stomp on it.
Me: No - too much chance of losing it, or falling on someone's head, namely mine.
Tony: Then just watch it until I come home.
Me: So, you're just going to leave it here until later?
Tony: Yep
Me: This conversation will be recorded for the divorce hearings.
Later Tuesday:
Tony: What did you do about that spider?
Me, said in my most self-absorbed overly inflated wonder woman voice: Well, I actually killed two birds with one stone. I got the small bottle that held Gerber apple juice from when Olivia was a baby that for some reason is in our tupperware cabinet since 2005 and has even moved with us. I got that bottle and the step ladder. I reached really high and trapped the spider. But, I was too short to try to push it in with a card, so I had to hope it jumped in on it's own (spider suicide). I took the bottle away from the ceiling, slowly, and what do you know, it was in the bottle. I quickly put the top on that bottle, and went and put on my flat soled shoes. I took the bottle outside, and dumped that spider on the ground. And then, I stomped that little bastard, (insert re-enactment of stomping), and threw away that bottle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And, just for kicks, here's a picture of Olivia, looking purely evil with the cat that actually seems to adore her, even though he is obviously not having a good time.
I have a catch and release program for spiders. I used to be petrified of them too. I frequently made my husband leave work to save me from the 8 legged freaks.
ReplyDeleteNow I use a clear plastic cup and a postcard and toss them into the garden where they are free to eat mosquitoes and other nasty critters. The fear is gone. Thank you Buddha!