How do you explain what it's like to be a mom?

The other night, I was driving Olivia home from dance class.  She was explaining to me about her teacher.  How the teacher is pregnant with baby number 3, due in May or early June.  How her teacher hasn't been in school much because she's been sick, or her kids have been sick, or she has other mom-ly duties.  Olivia seemed a bit bewildered and a little hurt that her teacher wasn't going to be in class a whole lot this month.  I felt immediate sympathy for the teacher and tried to explain to Olivia what it's like to be a mom.

That's when it hit me.  You can't explain this shit.  

And a double-whammy.  I read an article earlier this week trying to explain if it's worth it to have kids.  Do the benefits outweigh the losses?  She basically said the same thing.  It's really hard to explain to someone (like my daughter) who doesn't have kids.

Well, I think I should try.  If anything, I need to be able to explain to my daughters someday, right?

First things first.  Everything changes. Yes, your body, your sleep schedule, your brain, you've heard it before right?  OK, here's something that at least I haven't read or heard about.  Your relationships change.  Those relationships with friends that were so easy before?  They become ridiculously hard to maintain.  Right - you don't have a lot of time, or sleep, etc.  But, you also don't remember what it's like to talk about something other than kids.  Because they take up all of your non-work time.  They interrupt you while you try to watch TV or read, or pee.  Once they start talking, it's "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy" 497 times in the 3 hours you see them (from picking them up to bed time).  You start to forget about that time in your life, when you would talk about politics, or gossip about work  and friends and go to movies that weren't rated G.  You don't forget completely, but you forget how you navigated through that life.

On top of all that, your familial relationships change.  You start to see that your family are not the judge-y moms from the playground, the competitive ones from the pre-school, or the all natural moms.  Then you hang out with your family more.  They become more friends to you because you can hang out with them, and they even like your kids.  And, let's get started on the parent relationship.  Your parental relationship gets different.  For me, it became more complicated in my head.  I started to have experiences that made it easier to understand my parents - at least, somewhat. 

Then, there is that other relationship.  The one you have with the person that shares the gene pool with your kids, their father.  When they tell you that marriage is work, they don't really explain that it's work because of kids.  Once kids are in the mix, it's a constant juggle of the kids needs, and your relationship needs, who's going to do what with the kids, how does this balance out?  You know how I said that you see your kids for 3 hours from the time you pick them up until bedtime?  Guess when you see your spouse - alone?  Oh yeah, that 5 - 10 minutes you might have between when your kids finally go to sleep and you outright crash on the couch.  Think about how hard it is to make that work.  Then get creative with it.  This means that during your day, or commute, or just when the kids are driving you crazy, you find a way to reach out to your significant other and let them know how much it means to you that they are on this crazy ride with you.  

Plus, sleep becomes important.  Sleep is more important than eating (sometimes), more important than exercising.  Sleep is more important than washing your face, even than brushing your teeth.  Sleep is something that you will want so bad that you will almost pee your bed before agreeing with your body to get out of bed just to go to the bathroom.  Sleep becomes more important than meeting up with your friends, even more important than sex (as long as I can lay down, am I right?).

Your perspectives change.  You used to hate commuting to work, but now, you thank God it's an hour because it's the only hour your going to get without someone making demands on you.  You know that you barely have time at night, but have taken every weekday night and Saturday to schedule activities for your kids - dance, softball, volleyball, swim lessons, tumbling.  Why would you ever want any of that precious time to yourself when you could be carting kids around, pushing them on swings, and listen to them complain that they're hungry just to have them tell you how much they don't like the food you make?  Oh yeah.  You used to eat out all the time?  Not so much anymore.  You're on a budget.  And you need to make sure your kids learn healthy eating habits.  So then you learn healthy eating habits and start cooking.

Ugh.  I'm still not doing a good job of explaining.  Maybe I'll try again some day.  Suffice it to say that when Olivia was explaining to me about her teacher, I could so easily relate to what it's like to have a couple of kids and how stressed you get when things don't go as planned, and how it may impact your job, and what happens if it REALLY impacts your job, and so on and so forth.  I don't know that Olivia's teacher is stressing.  I know that in her situation, I'd be a mess - a hot-pregnant-angry-stressed-out-worried mess.  But those are shoes I have worn.  And I can understand.  But how do I explain that to Olivia, who hasn't yet experienced any of the mindset, or worry or all encompassing life that is being a mom?